A real day inside an ADHD brain.

This isn’t one of those funny “put the remote in the fridge” stories. It’s just today, and how my day went.

I woke up thinking I’d catch up on everything that I’ve been behind on. I even made a mental list last night, of course I didn’t write it down, because I was too tired, too distracted. I also convinced myself that I would be able remember it all in the morning.

Of course….I didn’t.

Instead, I could only remember two urgent things from my ‘to-do-list.’ I forgot the rest. Opened my phone to check my calendar and ended up spiralling through notifications, tabs, and half-written messages I meant to send yesterday. Or was it last week? Oooopsie. 

I told myself to just focus. Start with one important thing from the list and the rest will soon come flooding back to me. Start with the laundry maybe? I collected the basket, walked past the sink, noticed a spill, started wiping it up, then realised I’d left the washing machine door open, but didn’t actually put anything inside of it. Got annoyed. Put the kettle on – it was definitely time for tea now. Couldn’t decide if I wanted some eggs now, or maybe later? Walked away with my cup of cha. 

I sat down with my tea and I was back to scrolling through social media, aimlessly, because the internal noise was too much to start anything. ADHD isn’t about lack of focus. It’s too much of it, all at once, on everything, and nothing sticks. Some of it is noise. Some of it is pressure. Most of it is guilt.

I checked my notes app and found six to-do lists. Each one started on a different day, in a different week. All of them have crossover, and none of them are fully finished. I can’t bring myself to delete them, not until they are completed because what if one thing on there still matters?

Tried to reply to someone. Stared at the message. Thought of five different ways to respond. Decided I will do it later, so I didn’t send any. I probably won’t do that today. 

Trying to decide when to eat? Yesterday I ate a late lunch. Not because I was too busy, but because I didn’t feel hungry until I was absolutely starving. I love eggs for my lunch. Scrambled eggs, poached eggs, boiled eggs, omelettes. I just love eggs. 

There were moments of hyperfocus, especially whilst working on my blog and articles for the website. Like when I wrote a recipe I hadn’t planned to, deep-dived into an old memory,  and suddenly got emotional over a  smell that took me back to our hold in London. 

People think ADHD is just being “a bit forgetful.” But it’s really not. It’s constant mental clutter. It can be panic in stillness. It’s knowing what needs to be done, and still not being able to bridge the gap between intention and action.

This isn’t forgetfulness. It’s full-body time travel. It’s mental gymnastics. It’s too many tabs open, and a new one launching every time I close the last.

It’s 9pm now. The day was long. I have done loads. And also… barely anything at the same time? Why? Because I didn’t stick to my original list. 

And yet, I’m still here. Still showing up. Still thriving, even if I’m late once in a while. If the world moves in straight lines, and I’m happy to be zigzagging. 

Albeit, here’s what I do know: my brain isn’t broken. It’s electric. It’s messy and creative, impulsive, chaotic and absolutely magic.

Hannah x